Toilet bowls are for the unfocused and unrefined. I enjoy my toilet champagne flute. It adds pomp, class, and a gentlemanly challenge.

We all have to shit at the same time, that’s the trick.

I didn’t know Portnoy did anything except pizza reviews. What a tool.

Swine flu

Should I leave a note?

My dad is 84 years old and just got himself a new girlfriend. It’s fuckin adorable.

Isn’t it amazing what the human body is capable of?

Ticonderoga #2, an absolute classic.

Lmao, if you live in San Diego and can’t handle Spanish you’re gonna have a bad time.

Ah, so that’s America in the middle then.

But then he would be free.

Don’t worry, the bot will still respond and it will get 10,000 upvotes from other bots and replies like “grond” and “15 years is 7889400 minutes” and “pass me the breastplate stretcher!” and the one real person left on reddit will smile and think “I love being part of such a large and thriving online community”.