Oh. Good. Yeah. This is great.

Tangentially related. If you have two legs, you have slightly more than the average number of legs people have.

Your doorbell camera is a state informant.

OK, we’re out of bullets. Let’s call it a draw?

Cool by me if ice goes to Rikers. Just take away their guns and toss 'em in.

In related news, the sky is blue, the rocks are hard, and rain is wet.

Jesus is up on the cross, dying slowly. He sees Peter nearby, weeping. “Peter, my friend, come close. I have something tell you…” “Peter, come closer, i am weak and I must say this to you…” “Peter, my beloved friend and follower, the time is close for me to leave and you must hear this, come to me and hear my words…” “Peter, i can see your house from up here”.

Wow, you’re almost as old as my mom.

Your social security number is your account balance. How much do you have?

Tra la la, la la la la.

Tra la la, la la la la.

Tra la la, la la la la.

Tra la la, la la la la.

Yup. All the time. There’s a road I drive several times a week that turns left. No intersection, it just makes a 90deg turn. I use it there out of habbit.

How’s that ceasefire going?

If I acted in any besides just me being me, I wouldn’t be married today. Never pretend to be someone you’re not, any friends you make then won’t be yours, they’ll be that phantom persons.

So what if it’s immature anyway? So are loads of things. And most of them are fun. You exist for your pleasure, not other people’s.

Signed, a 52 year old skateboarder that still watches Arthur and farts on his kids.

A lot of those people got really quiet when we started fellating putin. I had to hear for years about how rad he was, and now crickets.

My dentist is deeply concerned about me not flossing regularly too. Same result.

No. Not us or anyone I know anyway. We decorate eggs, and have some plastic hollow eggs we’ve used for maybe 10 years to hide stuff in. Then we eat egg salad for a couple of days.

You can get a piece of oak from a home store. Look for one about 3/4" x 1 1 1/2". Put some tape around where you’ll hold it. The square edges will splay someone open pretty good if things go that direction. And it’s way less obvious as a sign.

In 5 years or less we will be living in a world where people have their paychecks garnished to pay back food loans.

Yeah. I try not to mention it to people if I can avoid it. I work construction and am surrounded by manly men tring to out man each other. I had one guy offer me bear jerkey and got bent out of shape when I declined. He wouldn’t stop. He just kept on me about why I didn’t eat meat. After about an hour of him asking again and again why I don’t eat meat I said “meat’s another word for dick and eating dick is gay”. As problematic as it was, it worked.

It never cases to amaze me that a 250pound dude with a 40oz soda in one hand and a mouthfull of gas station pizza thinks he has the responsibility to lecture me about nutrition.