I’m going to have to download an app to use my zippers, aren’t I?

It’s when you pee in someone’s mouth during a blowie.

I’ve always been afraid of being killed by a drunk driver, or dying while at work. Now both of those things can happen at the same time.

Good thing the US has free healthcare, or else this could be seen as a tactic to drive profits up for CEO’s.

No volume, vibrate, led, or push notifications. If you want my attention badly enough, call. And I will screen the call and text you back at my convenience. I will not be on a leash. Now excuse me while I doomscroll for 2 to 17 hours.

True, but most of the oppressors are boomers.

Weak men created hard times. Thanks, boomers.

He loved riding his bike. I’ve never done it, though. I think I’ve always been bike curious.

Gen 4 was a lot of fun, probably my favorite lineup in any of the first few generations. Torterra is awesome.

Isn’t this the device that required you to take out the battery in order to change the game?

It’s the worst day to be on the internet.

I don’t doubt it, so I’m drinking my fill while I can.

A slideshow would be great when my hands are full of toys

Probably the same ridiculously optimistic Toad from the Mario movie.

All I use reddit for is porn now, so the ads are really easy to spot. Like if I see someone trying to show me tupperware when I was just looking at goth girls and femboys, I know to keep scrolling.

They could have just worked for the prison system, then they’d get a regular paycheck to enforce slavery.

Haven’t you heard? Autocracy is all the rage these days. Just where have you been, darling?

Not everybody, according to some of the comments in this very post.