As I was reading this the title music from Jazz Jackrabbit 2 started playing in my head, and I completely understood what you mean. I then looked up if Jazz was actually an anomaly since Epic are from the US, but no, the main programmer was Dutch, so it fits your description.
I’m selling these fine leather jackets…
In the UK we have “JRC Global Buffet” which is almost exactly what you describe. It’s…not great. I went because, like you, some friends were particularly enamoured with the place for some reason.
I wasn’t a fan.
And generated a fuck tonne of UV, so….don’t look at it with your remaining eye.
Garmin watches come close?
I used Vector Linux 3.2, which was Slackware based, mostly because it was a small(ish) download on my friend’s Cable internet connection. Shortly after I moved to real Slackware. This was probably 2003/4