Just as long as her farts stay farts.

I want to be your sledgehammer.

Mr. Jesus is getting Lemon Pledge.

That would explain why Musk is full of shit.

Marge Simpson in shambles.

0420 0069 1337 8008

Where do you even get these bumper stickers? Is there that much demand for them?

No officer, the tree jumped in my way, I swear!

Ah, so it was the streets of Utica.

I thought that was from the streets of Albany?

The Atari Lynx had the graphics to blow the Game Boy out of the water. Unfortunately most of the games sucked so it died quickly.

Big if true

I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail hopefully my gravestone says something like rest in peace and not something vulgar.

You laugh, but my son did something similar. He said “daddy I know you’re going through a hard time right now but I can help you carry your groceries” and I said “son, you’re 38 years old, why the hell haven’t you moved out yet?”

He shouldn’t have gotten his dentures from Acme.

I once had a group chat that got leaked. There’s a possibility that it may have involved some light treason.

The GameCube cases also came with a pizza roll holder but it was a little too small.

Sex: not getting any cause I was fired

Why was I born with eyes?

I mean, all sorts of creatures shit in the ocean and people still swim in it but one person shits in the pool…