volvoxvsmarla

When I was in elementary school I tried to start a protest during the break by getting on the desk and proclaiming that we need to stop the discrimination of the middle finger, it is a finger like the others and should be allowed to stand on its own just like the other fingers. Needless to say I held up my middle fingers during that passionate speech. I was also very sincere about it, not emotional, but I did find it unjust. I’m not sure where I am going with this but it was weighing on my chest for too long and needed to get out finally. Thanks for reading.

People have already pointed out the legal and financial aspects. But I also want to address the philosophical aspect of your question, which I think you had in mind. And I think the answer I would give you is this one:

Marriage has the meaning that you assign to it.

I strongly believe that if we got rid of any legal and financial benefits of marriage, even if we made it explicitly illegal, there would still be a bunch (or even a lot) of people who would get married.

I would compare it to a house fire. If my house was burning (and there were no living beings in it) and I could save 5 things, what would I save? What would you save? I would take, for example, my favorite soft toy from when I was a kid, and my old box filled with diaries. Is this worth any money? No. Does it have any value? To me, it does. To you, it doesn’t. Maybe you are a very rational person that isn’t attached to anything (or to nothing material) and you would indeed make the smartest choices, saving your passport and documents and money. Maybe you would save a small gift that someone important has given you. Maybe you would save the first guitar you ever bought. You save whatever has value and meaning to you. And these things have solely the meaning and value that you have attached to it.

Likewise, people have different value and meaning attached to marriage. If you look at it from a rational, logical side - it has its legal and financial perks and benefits and if they weren’t there, getting married would make no sense. But things don’t have to make sense. The meaning we assign to rituals, things, concepts, aren’t necessarily rational. They are, however, deeply personal.

So, as a side note, please beware of ridiculing people for their views on marriage or weddings, just like you wouldn’t want to ridicule or belittle someone for other things that mean a lot to them. Always sharing the last piece of bread. Always giving a coin to a homeless person. Having a breakfast for 30 minutes every morning. A good night kiss on the nose from their partner. Drawing a dick in the first snow of the winter. Some things mean a lot to people even if they do not rationally make sense.

In the case of marriage, of course, some of the meaning comes from culture, history, and tradition. Marriage might have had different purposes than it has now, and surely the origins weren’t that romantic. (Not saying, however, that marriage has to be romantic.) But it is there. It is important to some people simply because they have, at some point in their life, decided it is important for some reasons, rational or irrational, social, cultural, and hopefully personal too. To them, it makes sense, it has meaning, it has value. And whatever marriage or a wedding ceremony mean - you decide.

So the question you should be asking is not whether or not you should get married, it is what marriage means to you. Does it have any benefit or value in your eyes? Are the legal benefits enough for you to get married? What is your stance on divorce? Do you feel like you would get “closer together” with your partner? Would you feel it would make things harder to separate? There are a ton on questions like these that you can ask yourself, I hope you get the jist. There are not right or wrong answers. The only thing that is important is that the meaning you assign to marriage is (about) the same as the meaning your partner assigns to marriage. You can both not care about a spiritual meaning, but just get married for the benefits. You can both be a type of “whatever happens, we don’t get divorced, til death do us part”. You can be “we’ll keep reevaluating whether we still belong together”. You can also be “we get married because we have children and this is practical”. Or “we get married because I am hot and you are rich and when one of us loses their asset we split”. Or “we just want a fancy huge ass party to show our love in this very moment and celebrate it with our friends and whatever comes afterwards is secondary”. It doesn’t matter what your view is, it matters that you guys agree.

Tbh I struggle to come up with an actual good and not just mediocre movie that Tom Hanks was in.

Adding to the trash list: Incredibly loud and extremely close. They massacred the book.

He is in this abomination of a book adaptation for Incredibly loud and extremely close.

I’m sorry but… Most of them? Especially since it’s his performance that has become poor. He is playing himself more and more. A similar thing happened to Johnny Depp. Look at both of them in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and then at stuff like Great Gatsby, Wolf of Wall Street, Shutter’s Island, Django / Willy Wonka, Pirates of the Carribean, Shadows, Transcendence. The acting and characters are so similar and they don’t give an effort anymore (or try to, and absolutely overdo it).

(Sorry I somehow incorporated a Johnny Depp rant in a critic of DiCaprio, their story of decline is just too similar to me. And Gilbert Grape is an amazing movie.)

God that sounds disgusting. I think, for the first time in 4+ years of sobriety, I actually feel genuinely sad for not being able to try that one out. It sounds so awful it must be good.

His health issues have been in the news lately

His health issues have been in the news for like two decades. There’s always another new article on how he has severe health problems and will die anytime soon. He’s been terminally ill and dying since the millennium panic

I’m amazed no one has pointed out the possibility that this was staged by Putin himself as a prerequisite to enforce greater surveillance, military and police presence, claim opposition and Ukraine to be terrorists, and so on. This is, besides a malfunction, much more likely than a failed assassination attempt that went this badly, doesn’t have a suspect, and got reported on.

Jesus Christ no no no, I take it back, I take dying from a cold please

From my knowledge, here in Germany, there was a strong flu wave this winter. Basically everyone I know got a severe and long RTI, but I mostly know other parents of kindergarteners, so there is a big bias. However, it wasn’t even localized to my area, my family is in another part of the country and similar story there.

I am subscribed to a kind of weekly questionnaire about RTI by Robert Koch Institute, there is also a report attached to it. I remember reading that there was, indeed, a stronger RTI and flu wave this year.

First it was hanging, now it’s shooting. Make up your mind. It might help to first get your head out of your ass though.

I’m a parent too, and here are my thoughts on this. I would rather knowingly live next to a pedophile - someone who outs themselves and goes to therapy - than not knowing about whether or not my neighbor has ever had such tendencies. I wouldn’t forbid them from having contact with my child, if they are sure it is not too hard for them, and obviously, keep them supervised. (I have barely ever left my child with another adult outside of the kindergarten setting though.) As was commented above, pedophilia is a valid and incredibly unfortunate, isolating and lonely sexual orientation and a disorder that can be treated, if not “cured”. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said about society’s hostile mentality driving people into the shadows and keeping them from seeking help.

I also want to point out that the majority of minor sex offenders (sorry I can’t remember the correct term, English isn’t my first language) has no pedophilic tendencies. A lot of sexual assault happens not because of attraction but because of power, dominance, violence, control. It’s something so important to keep in mind. Your local pedo might be the nicest and most harmless guy, while some other, heterosexual and “normal” oriented person in your neighborhood might have actually assaulted a child. Not having pedophilic tendencies does not mean a person won’t commit pedophilic acts.

In a way, my heart goes out to pedophiles. I can’t imagine how incredibly lonely it must be to have a desire for intimacy only with people who you will never, under any circumstances, be allowed to touch. You will never be able to act on your desires. You will never be allowed to live like yourself, be yourself fully. This must be hell. Even without the witch hunt. The least we can do as a society is to offer all the help and support we can get.

(It goes without saying - fuck all sexual offenders.)

About a month ago I had the flu - the real flu - for the first time either in ages, or in my life, and I actually had gotten vaccinated in autumn, and man, I thought I was dying. For two weeks I couldn’t do anything. Just looking at the stairs gave me endocarditis. I never run fevers and I was just popping painkillers to keep it under 40 degrees. That was nuts. So during and afterwards I mostly been thinking about three things: 1. I would have died for real if I didn’t have some basic protection from the vaccine, 2. I want a vaccine against the common cold as well, and 3. Jesus Christ please I don’t want to die from a stupid cold or flu, at least make it Covid, but that’s such a lowball way to go

(Preface: I am team genocide. I also live in Germany. Germany’s politics are a disgrace, but I digress.)

What annoys me about this is that this discussion gets so much media attention and focus, while it doesn’t matter in this very moment. I understand that there are implications if it will be defined as a genocide. But right now people are being killed every day en masse and they frankly give a crap about whether they died in a mass murder or terrorist attack or a genocide.

It reminds me of the early days of the Ukraine war when everyone was so obsessed with comparing Putin to Hitler (Putler is still a popular term) and the discussion was high on whether Putins actions amount to fascism or not, with a lot of internet laymen but also experts on that subject chiming in. When I asked a half Russian, half Ukrainian what their opinion was, their reply was something like “who the fuck cares? Call it a chicken pea pie, nobody cares, people are being killed, I don’t give a crap. Somewhen in the future people will be looking back and asking the same question, but it doesn’t matter right now.” And it stuck with me.

If I understand correctly, the ICJ will rule again on the case in a couple of years (?), which obviously isn’t relevant right now. It seems like the ruling would have an aftermath in retrospect but even if they ruled it were a genocide today, nothing much would change directly - but please correct me if I am wrong here.

But what definitely doesn’t matter is what we think. What matters is what is happening. And it doesn’t need a name to be evil and detrimental.